By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
61 -fading fast (continued in part 7)
There was nothing left
But a shell of a man
All the tears he’d wept
All the pain he could stand
He lost it all in the tragedy
His wife, his kids, his home
He came back to see
That he was now all alone
He had to go and fight
In foreign lands across the sea
And though he fought with all his might
He could not save his country
For while he was there
The enemy came to his place
And though he considered it fair
His anger he could not erase
For he knew had he not gone
And did to them what they did him
Had he stayed and had not roamed
He might have been able to save them
The odds were small this he knew
It is easier to destroy than preserve
He had to do what was told to do
He could not choose protect or serve
And even if they said he could
They would not have said your own
So he did what he thought was good
But he had not known
That his letters went unanswered
Not because they no longer cared
There was no way they could have heard
For they were no longer there
They were gone and with nothing left
He decided it wasn’t worth it
Since his soul was now bereft
He saw a way out and took it
For his shed still remained somehow
And with his tools and machine
And as much strength as he could allow
He made himself a guillotine
They would not be happy he was sure
But it would be no use
They couldn’t hang a deserter
Without a head to hold a noose
In a way I’m glad it happened
Because it meant that I found you
But if i could do it again
I know where I’d go straight to
I wouldn’t wait for the heartache
And the pain I went through first
Though knowing what’s at stake
I’d go through the worst
But if i could get to you faster
Then of course I wouldn’t delay
Any girl en route I’d past her
And not let her get in the way
Because you have always been my goal
The end point that I’d strive
The yearning of my soul
My reason to stay alive
And now that I’ve found you here
Like you were waiting all this time
All that running around everywhere
Seems like a waste and a crime
But since i can’t change the past
And since I’d rather live in today
There’s no need to now go fast
All we need to do is stay
Stay in my life, my heart, and mind
I will try to stay in yours as well
We had sought and here we find
The reason for it all i can tell
When I lost i lost it all
And i had nothing left
I was on top but had to fall
So i sighed and wept
When I was all cried out
I asked the Lord what was next
I had nothing not even doubt
That my life was truly vexed
He did not respond
And I was not surprised
I felt like I was conned
And never fully apprised
But my life was not my choice
My only choice was to end it myself
But before that I still had a voice
And I could use it to ask for help
So i went to my brother
And I said brother help me please
And he said to go ask another
For he himself was on his knees
But he was not there to ask for mercy
He was there to play some craps
If he wanted he could’ve helped me
Maybe he did need help himself perhaps
So i went to the preacher
And he indeed was praying
But he was more of a reacher
And not to god or man I’m saying
His prayer was that his collection
That he made on the side
Would have no redirection
But instead with him reside
So i went to my local leader
So he could lead me in a way
But he was a bottom feeder
Who’d only help if votes would sway
And as I went on and met more folk
More despicable than the last
Each flawed each under a yolk
I realized how it compared to my own past
I was no better probably no worst
Did just as poorly with what I was given
I was not special i was not cursed
I might as well go on livin