By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
61 -fading fast (continued in part 4)
So fuck it all chuck it all for a laugh
I died one day
I didn’t expect it
In a strange way
I wasn’t infected
I wasn’t injured
Didn’t have a wound
Nothing occurred
I just swooned
I fell down
A crumpled mass
On the ground
I slowly passed
Then I was
In a strange light
I heard a buzz
A long goodnight
And as I lay
Dead below
My soul went away
Whither didn’t know
But suddenly
There beside
The soul of me
Others that died
They were lost
Just like me
Paid a cost
Just to see
The other side
Now they knew
So they reside
With me too
I met some friends
We talked a bit
I made amends
With those i quit
They told me
I had to go
For you see
This was no
Place for me
I said alright
Walked away
Quite a sight
Without legs eh
But I didn’t
Know the way home
So i couldn’t
Do more than roam
I roamed a lot
For eternity
Until I caught
The sign to see
It said this way
Follow along
And now today
I’m no longer gone
When I woke up this morning
And I saw the dawn
I knew the brew was storming
And let out a yawn
I got into my car for work
And drove the same road
I felt just like a jerk
For this well doesn’t bode
Everything was mixed up
Nothing seemed to fit
I can’t shun handle disrupt
What do I can with it
If you look for me
And can’t find me
And don’t know where I’ve gone
It’s because you can’t see
And could never see
Everything that I’ve done
To make you happy
Always happy
And never feel alone
While I would cry
Always cry
Once you’d hang up the phone
Because though i love you
Yes I love you
Though you’d treat me that way
Where you claim to care
But you never care
Regardless of what you might say
For if you loved me
Really loved me
You wouldn’t go around and play
You thought I didn’t know
But I’d always know
When I’d see you the next day
It would be on your face
That pretty lying face
That showed a love supposedly true
But I’d know the truth
The real truth
From others and not from you
And I’d see for myself
I’d follow you myself
Going into the arms of someone new
So that is why I left
As there was nothing left
And nothing else that I could do
Sometimes I just can’t care
Sometimes I don’t want to be here
Sometimes I just want to escape
And yet it feels like my fate
And there’s nothing I can do
And no place to run to
I just have to keep at it
Though I just can’t stand it
There is no way out for me
This is where I’ll always be
In a state of despair
Thinking it ain’t fair
I could try to be free somehow
But can’t move under crushing doubt
I just wallow in sorrow
Thinking there’s no tomorrow
So let me die
If i should decide
That i can’t take it any more
You could stop me but what for
Unless you can also give me
A reason to still be
And not some platitude
To adjust my attitude
But change my situation
Alieve me of this station
Give me money and then I can find
The rest to give me peace of mind