By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
61 -fading fast (continued in part 2)
I recently went to a play
I think it was in the month of may
Though that doesn’t matter
I think it was a satyr
You know the kind with goats
Not that thing that pays notes
That’s a sitar
Or is that a car
No that’s a sedan
Not the Sudan
That would have taken much longer to see
And i doubt it would be free
This play was no cost
But i still ended with a loss
For the play was bad
And not worth the time i had
The play’s not even the thing
Up which i meant to bring
But rather the walk after
Where with friends amid laughter
We discussed how bad it was
For no reason just because
And then someone remarked
They’d forgotten where we parked
So we were in a bind
Because this car we could not find
So we went to a cafe to think
And maybe have a drink
Though it is funny how a drink
Doesn’t really help you think
Which is irrelevant because to our gall
This cafe did not serve alcohol
So we ate some grease instead
I think it came with bread
But regardless we all felt ill
And the car was not found still
What were we to do
We were getting blue
And vexed and perplexed
So we went to the multiplex
And saw a movie
And what should we see
But an adaption of the same play
And not to give anything away
But it was bad too
So our dismay grew
I don’t know how we all got home
I suppose we didn’t just roam
To the ends of the earth
Cause that’s considerable girth
And i am not there right now
But i still don’t know how
It all eventually ended
Probably in some way that doesn’t rhyme
I’m pretty sure I’m dying
Hopefully slowly but not too painfully
Because as soon as you are born you start to die
That’s the way it is
And often times I’m crying
Hopefully I’m heard but not in vain fully
Because as soon as it is too much start to cry
That’s the way it is
And always I’m trying
Hopefully i manage and am still sane fully
Because as soon as you fail you wonder why
That’s the way it is
But never am i lying
Hopefully they know and i maintain fully
Because as soon as they doubt you want to lie
That’s the way it is
I’ll never be able to change
I’ll always be the same
Always dying often crying
Still trying but not lying
Well the first two are constant
There’s no way to stop it
Unless there’s a medical miracle
With proof that is empirical
I won’t be changing the last two
Because those i got to do
As long as someday I’m dead
And someday someone might hear what i’ve said
If i die, so be it, i deserve my end
If i cry, so be it, i neglected my friends
If i lose, so be it, i did not do my best
If i bruise, so be it, i did not give myself rest
Whatever happens, it will be my fault
Because i could have, but didn’t, what i ought
And so when it is over, this you won’t hear
That i lost just because they wouldn’t play fair
Have i grown too old
Has my soul been sold
Have i lost touch with today
Has all my joy gone away
I wonder if i know the truth
Or have i just given up the pursuit
At one time i searched for the root
But now i feel reality is moot
Because what matters is survival
I don’t want another revival
Of days when i was so unsure
And i thought there might still be a cure
Tis better to feel defeat
Then to ever repeat
That cycle of hope and despair
That never does and never will go anywhere
I would rather be honest and unknown
Than a famous liar
I would rather be dependable and dull
Than an unstable live wire
I would rather have love unrequited
Than no love but equitabl
I would rather have likely failure
Than mediocrity inevitable
But i would rather live with mediocrity
Than success i couldn’t accept
For I’d rather be able and unrecognized
Than rewarded as inept
But most of all i must be true
In what i say and what i do
For even if lying could get me ahead
I might rather be dead
But i will not say this as absolute fact
Because as of yet i lack
Any experience as a corpse
Though I’ve known liar’s remorse
And of course some success from deceit
However so long or brief
Maybe it was never as much
Because i wasn’t practiced enough
But I’d rather not learn it now
I’d rather stay honest some how
Though it may lead to ignominy
It is better than that infamy
Or even if i never got found out
I’m sure i would a few times en route
It may be worth it for you
But i would rather stay true
If i knew where i was going
I could tell you where I’ll be
But there are no signs showing
Even the course to destiny
The destination is unknown
And the path is unsure
I only know I’m not alone
On this three hour tour
There’s the fool who will never
Help anyone succeed
But you can be sure will forever
Screw up every deed
There’s the leader who tries
To guide all the plans
But only grunts and sighs
And never understands
There’s the man with the money
But it never helps him out
And of course there’s his honey
Who knows what she’s about
Then there’s the man with the brain
Or at least so they say
But he relies on the fool time and again
When he should just keep him away
Then there’s the wholesome girl
Who everyone seems to prefer
Or the one from a different world
I think i screwed up the order
It doesn’t matter you see
Cause it will end the same
For as long as eternity
Stranded and waiting for a plane