By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
46 -last goodbyes
I don’t want to now cry
I’ve shed too many tears
But everytime you lie
I think of all the years
And all the time I’ve spent
Hoping you would then change
As you came and you went
While it all stayed the same
C:
Our last cries from our last failed tries
Our last sighs through our tear filled eyes
Let us break the last of our ties
Let us say our last goodbyes
What do you want of me
To you, what can i give
I just want to be free
But you won’t let me live
How can i make you see
That I am in such pai
Or would showing that be
Pointless and all in vain
I’m giving it up now
You won’t treat me better
And so I’m writing you
This one last last letter
I’ll leave it in the box
Cause i can’t see your face
We could talk it for hours
But it would be a waste
The time has come to say
Our very last good byes
Maybe you’ll see in words
You never saw in eyes
I guess it’s my goodbye
You won’t get to respond
You’ve already said yours
The one I’ve loved is gone
47 -ready to leave
There is no where for me to go
There is no more i need to know
I see that now my time’s at end
There is nowhere to start again
No place in here that is for me
Nowhere that i can still be free
C:
Ready to leave
But where to go
Nowhere better
Nowhere i know
Got to accept and realize
The truth before my very eyes
There is no future just the past
Opportunities just don’t last
I’d try but it won’t matter now
Can’t get what i want anyhow
I see clearly that want and hope
Will leave you hanging from a rope
Or dangling by a little string
A wish don’t mean a god damn thing
I see that now my long held dreams
Were never leading where they’d seem
So i am gonna have to quit
i can’t put up with all this shit
I’ll never get less on this path
It’s not worth it just do the math
There is nothing for me to gain
i’ll lose more if i try again
So leave me here and let me die
And say that I just wouldn’t try
Cause i don’t need a legacy
And I don’t need to be happy
I just don’t want to always fail
And thrash and moan and flail and wail
48 -wealth and health
I was told: be at peace
I would try, try at least
For the voice was reassuring
And the message was so alluring
For it said to lead yourself
On a part of happiness and wealth
Where the destination is the same
As the path on which you came
C:
I said in my heart
That today i would start
To do just that
So i went down and sat
And thought it was alright
I wouldn’t need to fight
This feeling was right and true
And was the thing to do
I was told: be at peace
I would try, try at least
For the voice was reassuring
And the message was so alluring
For it said to lead yourself
On a part of prosperity and health
Where the destination is the same
As the path on which you came