By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
43 -if you want to kill me
If you want to kill me
Make a reservation
And if we decide to meet
Please make it clean and neat
I don’t mind being dead
But dying’s not so fun
But if you can make it easy
Come along and see me
C:
Leave me a card
And i will call you up
When life gets too hard
When it all gets too tough
It may not be murder
If i allow it to be done
And it may not please you
Thrills may not seize you
For my assisted
Suicidal ideation
You may not feel the need
To then do the deed
But
44 -i don't like to complain
I don’t like to complain
But i am very good at it
I don’t like to seem vain
But the world’s in my orbit
I don’t like to be difficult
But it is easy for me to do
I don’t like to place fault
But the fault belongs with you
C:
Because i am perfect
Not a thing out of place
Take a look and inspect
Take some notes just in case
Your mind starts to reject
What is before your face
What you see is correct
And can not be erased
I don’t like to cause hurt
But i hurt you just the same
I don’t like to desert
But i can’t be the one to blame
I don’t like to ever cry
But I’ll let you cry for me
I don’t like to deny
But what’s been said i can’t agree
I don’t like to go and flee
But i can’t stay here and live
I don’t like to be me
But what’s the alternative
I don’t like this biz
But I’m stuck in the game
I don’t like how it is
But it ain’t gonna change
45 -do you hate me
Do you hate me and want me dead
Wish i was someone else instead
Want to never see me again
Tell me what i should do then
C:
Do you hate me despise me
Fantasize the chance to paralyze me
Will you start to entice me
So nicely cause you hope to slice me
Cut me down after bringing me up
Singing me stuff I’m thinking be love
But I’m wrong you’re treating me tough
Beating me rough not seeming enough
Do you detest my very being
Do i inspire a need for fleeing
Where would you have me then go
No matter i just want to know
If you want me another day
Or if you want me far away
Don’t want to feel that I’m unwanted
Nor like a ghost and you feel haunted
I’m just a man who wants to please
Not afraid to get on my knees
Do just what is your heart’s desire
If it can stoke your inner fire
If it meant making you happy
But could you ever be with me
Tell me if not then I’ll move on
And you can be happy I’m gone