By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
42 -i feel like a
I wake up in the morning and go to the job
I work all day trying to get to the top
I pump myself with caffeine cause i get no sleep
To look at a stack of papers so wide and deep
C1:
I feel like a fool
I feel like a loser
I feel like nothing i do
Will ever matter
I feel like a child
I feel like a stranger
I feel like it so soon
Will all be over
I slog and slave for my pittance of pay
Don’t work for free, but my fee gets spent away
As fast as i can earn it you know i burn it
There’s a lesson there but i never learn it
C2:
I feel like I’ve tried
I feel like I’ve failed
I feel like my ship
Has long since sailed
I feel like i cried
I feel like I’ve wailed
I feel like my face
Has long since paled
When i get home I’m tired and beat to hell
But so hopped up on stimulants i can’t rest well
And i wonder why as i lay down so wired
I feel forsaken and awake when I’m so tired
C3:
I feel like I’ve hoped
I feel like I’m hopeless
I feel like it all
Is just a big mess
I feel like a ghost
I feel like a house guest
I feel like no one
Cares what i confess
But i’d rather toss and turn as the clock ticks and tocks
Than be on a cross or burned and hit with sticks and rocks
42 -the jelly
Who are you and what do you want Where did you come from anyway My name is not important now Only what I've got to say Well say it quick and leave me be I have visitors i must attend Would you turn away a stranger Who can become your closest friend I have friends here whom i trust And who i know deserve my time And they are good people i am sure But can they open and free your mind What are you selling, well i don't care I am not in the market to buy I am not selling i am offering Something I'm sure you'll want to try I doubt that very much you see I have tried all there is in this world I doubt that even more, my friend It's neither drug nor money nor girl Well i don't want it then because Everything i want comes or goes from those If that is how you feel then I'm sure You should learn what this stranger knows So you are selling religion i bet Or profess to be prophet, god, or devil No no nothing like that What I'm giving is on the level Alright so tell what it is already And then be gone from here Once you try it you'll see You'll want it with you everywhere I asked what it is, can't you tell Because i won't try without a clue I could try to explain it but It would make no sense to you And so i took from the stranger What i knew to be a danger Something i had never seen It looked like a jelly bean He said it was not a drug But when i ate i became a bug A flying insect miniscule I felt like i was a fool But i tried it nonetheless And i think i must confess It was nice to try once But i was such a dunce Cause when i changed back I asked him for a sack And the more i ate of these The longer my metamorphoses I kept trying it over and over I flew to the cliffs of dover I flew to the Taj Mahal I flew to the streets of Baal I flew to the empire state I flew with every jelly i ate No i couldn't stop until the day I realized where i wanted to stay Was back at home where i began But i had forgotten my home land I only remembered i used to be Happy just being me But i had forgotten Before I'd gotten To be a fly Just why So i laid myself out On a dusty co Wondering what to do Until i got squished by a shoe