By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
61 -fading fast (continued in part 3)
I write poetry to pass time
And if i come up with a good rhyme
I’m pleased that i did so
But that’s not enough to show
I don’t think my poetry is great
In fact i think it second rate
Certainly not good enough to inflict
On the greater public
But maybe it us not up to me
To decide if it’s grade a or b
Or c or d or even f
Or lower were there any grade left
Maybe I’m just supposed to write
And then maybe some night
When I’m feeling brave enough
I’ll send a draft even rough
To someone to have them say
Whether f d c b a
But if they say what i already think
I might give up and take up drink
Have you noticed, things are changing everyday
Things that used to be the same are not in any way
Why just last week I ran into an old friend
He asked me if I had some cash to lend
I asked him what happened to his funds
He spent them all on an arsenal of guns
And now he can’t afford any food
Because he had just lost his job too
I said what happened, everything seemed fine
He said it was at first, but then in time
He lost it all in the market boom and bust
And now his assets have turned to dust
And with everyone now feeling the pinch
And with society now tightening the winch
It’s time to prepare for the coming doom
Because the end will be coming soon
I couldn’t believe what he was saying
He told me he had taken to praying
Which is fine in general I think
But he was also starting to drink
And wander the streets late at night
And just generally feeling uptight
I was worried but i said i had to go
To get a weapon of my own you know
That was a lie but nonetheless
I left and said I wished him the best
And went home instead to cry
For my friend to whom I said goodbye
Remember when a hot pocket used to be a treat
And not you cell phone giving off heat?
Everything was fine art first
I’d get irritated at the worst
I might get a little down
But eventually I’d come around
I’d never get angry
Nothing bothered me
But then things changed
The situation rearranged
And I was no longer able
To keep myself stable
I had to get some assistance
Though at first I put up resistance
Eventually it all worked out
Because I found a new route
A way to channel my rage
I’d put it all on the page
And my writing turned dark
The difference was stark
Until I got through my issues
Then I put on some new shoes
And now that I can stand
My writing can fly again
And you would never know
How i had once been so low
But still there are times
When you can see in my rhymes
That there still is some hurt
Hidden between each word
Close to the edge I can see the bottom
The ones following say we almost got em
I can’t run any further and i can’t stop em
I’m looking down ready to drop in
Can’t call for help no one will come
I tried for so long but now I’m done
They’re closing fast I can see one
With no way out i think I’m gone
I ask for mercy I plead for my life
What they’re doing it don’t seem right
I would if I could but I know I can’t fight
It’s over now and now I die
I can only choose the way to go
Either way will hurt this i know
So i might as well not make it slow
But jump to my death so i take off my coat
Because why waste a perfectly nice garment
When I splatter myself on the pavement
I doubt my body will even make a dent
And so now my mind is all set
So i jump off and start to fall
Because there really was no reason to stall
And as I went down i thought of it all
There’s nothing left nothing but it’s peaceful
Nothing left it is over now
I’m dead dead dead dead I’m dead
If i live another day it will be because of you
If i find the strength to make it, it will be true
That the only reason I could was your love
Because you love is more than enough
To give me hope and lead me through
Past each trial and on my way to
The place I need to be and want to be
By your side for eternity
I want to walk with you in moonlight
And when we get home hold you tight
And then one day down the aisle
And in the morning see your smile
And then after many years together
Through calm and stormy weather
When we die though i can’t say what’s worst
You leaving me or you lonely if i go first
But when we’re both laid in the ground
I know where our bodies will be found
As we’ve lived is how we’ll be after we’ve died
Right next to each other side by side
There is no way I can let go
But my pain I can’t let show
So I hold it in and hold on tight
And keep my anguish out of sigh
One day soon I’ll be free
Until then what will become of me
Can i go on knowing this
That i can’t hold with clenched fist
I just wrote a poem
I’ve written many but i won’t show em
Because many are lame
The one i just wrote is just the same
Words so dreary
Reading it just makes me weary
Diction just to rhyme
I know how each line ends almost every time
Formulaic and trite
I don’t know why I bother to write
I guess because some
Are not quite so insipid and dumb
Or repetitious
Practically bureaucraticly officious
This one is no better
But i haven’t the patience to fetter
And separate the chaff