By Alfred Brown
This is the poem where I finally got to use the sentence that had been rattling in my brain for a few years “Everything was fine until I got shot in the face.” I wrote it first sometime, probably around 2013, then I did some edits to it around 2014 or 2015. The intention with the edits was to make the poems into songs.
51 -now that I've died
No one told me, that i would die
They just said i should try to live
You might wonder what happens if
You lose the gift your parents give
C:
Now that I’ve died
I understand
What i was told
Back when alive
Now that I’ve died
I comprehend
Why for so long
I had to strive
i tell you it’s not so easy
To be without a beating heart
Not so easy to stop breathing
And not be able to restart
Not so easy to feel no pain
And feel no more pleasure either
Not so easy to once exist
And then next day you are not there
Not so easy to cry all night
And still produce no tear
Not so easy to wail aloud
And still no one will hear
Not so easy to never touch
And never hold another near
Not so easy to not outlive
Your father or your mother dear
It’s not so easy to be me
Now that I have now gone and died
It’s not so easy to explain
I’m sure you think that I have lied
52 -my point
Don’t hate me i didn’t choose this
Couldn’t decide to refuse this
It’s an order i carry out
And must follow with nary doubt
C:
This is the point
For me to make
And if adroit
For you to take
I was sent to go and stop you
And now that I’ve gone and caught you
I must complete my orders so
I can’t cut any corners no
Relax and you won’t feel a thing
Maybe a little maybe a sting
At most like an insect bit you
But this point I must make with you
Can’t hear me cause you’re sleeping sound
Don’t think you saw me creeping round
I came in quietly and soft
And now i hold my point aloft
And no we’ve never met to date
And so no chance you’ll get to hate
Me for what will be over soon
I’m just a pawn a lower goon
The ones who sent deserve your hate
I wish i’d been too soon or late
But here i am so it must be
At least my point is not rusty
53 -but i can't
I don’t want to run
But i can’t walk
I don’t want to yell
But i can’t talk
C:
I don’t want to do it
But i have no choice
No one ever listens
When you have no voice
I don’t want to act
But i can’t think
I don’t want water
But i can’t drink
I don’t want to rest
But i can’t sleep
I don’t want to sow
But i can’t reap
I don’t want to hate
But i can’t care
I don’t want to go
But i can’t be anywhere
I don’t want to lie
But i can’t conceal
I don’t want to be me
But i can’t be real